Monkey to Head Afghanistan Peace Process

Monkey is the story by Wu Ch'�ng-�n based on the ancient Chinese legend 'Journey To The West', which traces the origins of Buddhism. It follows the adventures of Tripitaka and his disciples Pigsy, Sandy and of course Monkey, on their journey from China to India on a holy pilgrimage frought with many dangers.

Monkey, played by actor Masaaki Sakai is one of Japan's most enduring popular performers and actors. He is most famous outside Japan for playing the lead role in the Japanese TV series made by NTV "Monkey" (also known as "Monkey Magic"). Fans outside Japan may not know of his superstar status and his long musical career. In the sixties, he belonged to a band called "THE SPIDERS". In late 1999, Sakai san, together with two ex-members of THE SPIDERS, formed a new band "SANS FILTRE".

Now, in a move which has surprised many, he is now United Nations Peace Ambassador to Afghanistan. However, to reprise this role in his legendary career is seen by some as the United Nations biggest gamble.

Current United Nations Supremo, former Buffy the Vampire Slayer Actress Alyson Hannigan said: “Monkey represents everything we want to see in Afghanistan. Peace, Hope and the pursuit of beliefs.” She denied it also represented crap 70s sitcoms, misguided nostalgia and (shiver) bell bottoms. Oxfam have already been criticised for dumping 70s retro clothes on Afghans.

Said Tommy Hilfiger: “The retro 70s look never made it. To put those poor souls through the rainbow hell that was the 70s is a terrible, terrible thing. I think we should fly over some Donna Karen for the ladies, to get away from those inhibited Ninja costumes the Slitty eyes usually wear. We said then, and say it now: Say no to platforms, it ain‘t worth it. And it ain‘t worth dumping them on the Afghans.”

Cultural assassin Graham Norton said: “I’m hoping to take my show over to Afghanistan and have both Monkey and Osama Bin Laden on my show, entitled: ‘Fundamentally Graham Norton’ where we’ll have Osama in a cardboard box where we’ll put him in a Spangly outfit, very chic, kind of a bit Next-y, crossed with Glasgow Tart and flying him at a model of the twin towers. We’ll also be showing a Texan burning a copy of the Koran, Osama will be in Stitches.”